why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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