my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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