so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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