i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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