A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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