watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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