You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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