I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You pole danced in your parka.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Randomize
