Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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