He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
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I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
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For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
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