Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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