Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
