I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
