You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
