i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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