Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
