he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
