Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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