I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
