Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
