Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
