She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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