I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
