She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
