I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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