You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
