god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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