Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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