Barsexuality is the new black.
Four minutes until I can fart!
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
