im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night