no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."