So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
