Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
