Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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