Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
