just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
