My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
