But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
