Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
