I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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