i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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