I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
