so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
