One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
