We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
