this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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