Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
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you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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