So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
