Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
