Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
