I skipped work to stalk him.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
