too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
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