I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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