it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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