I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
