I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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