it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
