i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
