lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
