I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
