My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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