If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
