Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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