I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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