I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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