Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
