yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
