I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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