So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
last night I used snow as a chaser
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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