Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
